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Cyberbullying: Technology Takes Bullying to a Scary New Level

By Alex A. Lluch

www.weddingsolutions.com

www.wspublishinggroup.com

Cyberbullying: Technology Takes Bullying to a Scary New Level

Bullying has been around since the beginning of time. Parents, you may remember you or your friends being bullied as a child. No doubt you remember the hurt, frustration, and sadness it caused.

These days, however, bullying isn’t just happening on the playground or at the bus stop, it’s happening on the Internet and on your kids’ cell phones, making it possible to bully a child 24 hours a day and include thousands of participants.

Cyberbullying follows children around the clock, and into the safety of their homes. Many times, kids are scared to tell their parents about cyberbullying, thinking they will be blamed, lose their Internet privileges, or that their parents will call the school or other parents, probably making the bullying worse.

However, the pain that comes from cyberbullying is real. Parents should not underestimate the power of online or cell phone bullying, just because it may be happening in cyberspace and not in person. Cyberbullying can lead to poor grades, depression, eating disorders, self-mutilation, drinking, and drugs. Children have even committed suicide because of cyberbullying. (In 2006, 13-year-old Megan Meier hung herself in her closet after nasty comments about her were posted online and via a fake MySpace profile. The profile was actually created by a classmate’s mother, as it turned out.)

Define bullying

The definition of bullying is something that happens repeatedly and over time, and is inclusive of an imbalance of power. It is not just harassment or defamation.

What is cyberbullying?

Cyberbullying is when a child, preteen or teen is tormented, threatened, harassed, humiliated, embarrassed or otherwise targeted by another child, preteen or teen using the Internet, interactive and digital technologies or mobile phones. It must be a minor on both sides, or at least have been instigated by a minor against another minor.

There are two kinds of cyberbullying, direct attacks (messages sent to your kids directly) and cyberbullying by proxy (using others to help cyberbully the victim, either with or without the accomplice's knowledge). Because cyberbullying by proxy often gets adults involved in the harassment, it is very dangerous.

What are some ways that kids are being cyberbullied that parents should be aware of?

• Instant Messaging/Text Messaging Harassment
• Stealing Passwords and Impersonation online - Cyberbullying by proxy might include the bully posing as the victim in his or her IM account, sending nasty messages to everyone on that person’s buddy list. In more extreme cases, bullies have posed as the victim, advertising for sex in chat rooms, in search of child molesters
• Blogs or Web Sites created through Facebook, Myspace, etc. This becomes especially serious if bullies are posting personal contact information about the victim online. Many times, bullies will post full names, addresses, and phone numbers to allow the victim to be further harassed.
• Sending Pictures through E-mail and Cell Phones
• Internet Polling, such as “Who is the biggest slut in 8th grade”
• Sending Porn and Other Junk E-Mail and IMs – The victim’s email with get overloaded with junk and porn email, often leading to getting into trouble with the victim’s parents who assume he or she has been looking at inappropriate sites

What can parents tell their kids to prevent cyberbullying?

Educate them about the consequences of losing their ISP or IM accounts. Kids won’t want to lose their Internet privileges.

Talk to your children about not participating in or responding to cyberbullying. Tell them to stop and walk away from the computer or cell phone before they write or respond to something they see written online or in a text message. Explain that there are serious consequences: Any type of password stealing, impersonation, or hacking could result in the law or even the FBI being involved.

Teach your children to take a stand when they see bullying of any kind. Teach bystanders to become allies. This can be an effective method, because nearly every child has been hurt by teasing or bullying at one point. Explain the seriousness of the lifelong psychological consequences of cyberbullying, including poor grades, depression, eating disorders, self-mutilation, drinking, drugs, and even suicide.

Urge your kids to come to you, or a school official or administrator, if they see evidence of cyberbullying. Let them know that their silence is hurting other children.

Peer pressure is instrumental in cyberbullying. Cyberbullying wouldn’t work if the bullies didn’t convince other kids to join up. Here are some principles to help your children stand up to and avoid being part of cyberbullying, from Simple Principles to Raise a Successful Child and Simple Principles to Excel at School:

• Teach your kids to make at least one friend who will say no with them. The hardest part of dealing with peer pressure is being the only one willing to say no. Therefore, your kids should try and have at least one friend he or she can count on to say no too. Having a partner makes it easier to resist the power of peer pressure. Together, your kids and their friends can feel good about not succumbing to peer pressure, and other will soon follow your lead.
• Provide your kids with venues to meet good friends, such as church groups, Boy and Girl Scout troops, Junior Achievement organizations, and other clubs. Surround your children with other kids who care about being successful and who have parents that care.
• Get to know the children that influence your children. Plan activities with your kids and their friends – have them over for dinner or take them to the movies or ice skating. Since you can’t be at your child’s side at all times, becoming familiar and friendly with other parents will help you feel more comfortable that your child is making good choices. Seek out parents with your same standards and values.

What can parents do if their child is being cyberbullied?

First, parents should take this type of bullying very seriously. Parents should not underestimate the power of cyberbullying, just because it may be happening in cyberspace and not in person. The psychological affects of bullying are real and long-lasting, and, as we mentioned before, cyberbullying can be much more extensive and constant than real-life bullying.

Always save or print out bullying messages. However, a print-out is not sufficient to prove a case of cyber-harassment or cyberbullying. You'll need electronic evidence and live data.

Volunteers from a group called WiredSafety.org can work with parents (free of charge) to preserve the electronic evidence. It is crucial that all electronic evidence is preserved to allow the person to be traced and to take whatever action needs to be taken. The electronic evidence is at risk for being deleted by the Internet service providers unless you reach out and notify them that you need those records preserved. WiredSafety.org can teach parents to use a monitoring product to collect electronic evidence.

Can parents take legal action against cyberbullying?

Cyberbullying typically can result in a child losing their ISP or IM accounts, as a terms of service violation.

Most of the time, cyberbullying doesn’t warrant legal action, although parents often try and pursue criminal charges. However, if there is any indication that personal contact information has been posted online, or any threats are made to your child, go immediately to your local law enforcement agency. While there is a difference between annoying communications and potentially dangerous ones, if in doubt, report it.

If your child is being attacked via Facebook, MySpace, etc. you can email the site and request to have the slanderous site taken down. Unfortunately, this can be a slow process, if it gets taken care of at all. If you’re serious about removing the site in a timely fashion, have an attorney send a Cease and Desist letter to the site.

Where does the law stand on cyberbullying?

Cyberbullying is not always a matter for law enforcement. Harassment or mean messages between minors does not define cyberbullying. It is only when the threats become closer to real life, such as threatening bodily harm or death, that law enforcement can be involved. In some cases, it can be considered a misdemeanor cyber-harassment charge, or if the child is young enough, may result in the charge of juvenile delinquency.

Examples of when legal action is or is not an option:

Lewd language, saying, “You are stupid,” or vague threats such as, “You better watch out,” are not enough to involve the police.

Threatening bodily harm or death (“I’m going to break your arm”) or general serious threats, such as “There will be a bomb in school,” or “Don’t take the school bus tomorrow” are considered enough to involve law enforcement.

Likewise, a one-time threat is generally not enough. Cyberbullying must occur repeatedly, or the communications must be steadily increasing or involving new, third parties who are joining in.

Can schools take legal action if the bullying happens to students off campus?

When schools try and get involved by disciplining the student for cyberbullying actions that took place off-campus and outside of school hours, they are often sued for exceeding their authority and violating the student's free speech right. They also, often lose.

However, schools can be very effective brokers in working with the parents to stop and remedy cyberbullying situations. In one instance in Arkansas, as reported in the New York Times, a group of kids had created a Facebook site called, “Everybody Who Hates Billy Wolfe.” The Wolfes took the matter to the school district and the principal contacted all the student’s parents who were involved. The parents were shocked to learn their children were involved, and took measures to have the site taken down.

Prevent cyberbullying in your community

Create a way for kids to anonymously report cyberbullying. If given an anonymous method of reporting cyberbullying Web sites, profiles and campaigns, kids can help put an end to cyberbullying entirely. School administration, community groups and even school policing staff can receive these anonymous tips and take action quickly when necessary to shut down the site, profile or stop the cyberbullying itself.

Spread the word in your community about cyberbullying and its seriousness. The more Boy and Girl Scout troops, church groups, youth groups, sports clubs, and other organizations are aware of cyberbullying, the more they can educate kids on it, prevent it, and recognize it.

How many kids are being bullied and cyberbullied?

From a recent study on the effects of media and children ages 11 to 16:

37% of kids ages 11 to 16 saying they've been bullied at school

11% have been bullied online

10% "in the community (on the way to and from school)

6% have been bullied by cellphone

63% are not bullied anywhere

17% report being bullied in one environment

9% in two environments

5% in three

2% in four

A very concerning 3% report being bullied in all five environments assessed (school, Internet, cellphone, community, and "other")

Twenty-nine states, including Connecticut and New Jersey, have enacted legislation against bullying, intimidation or harassment and 11 others are in the process, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures.

About the Author

Alex A. Lluch is the author of over 3 million books sold, in the categories of wedding, baby, parenting, diet, health, fitness, self-help, and more. Lluch is the president of WS Publishing Group and WeddingSolutions.com, an extensive resource for everything wedding-related.

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